Creeping (verb) - To be creepy or stalk someone inappropriately.
Creeping on someone you don’t know at all is never a good idea. To save you the embarrassment of having your ass beat down in the middle of the library, here are 3 creeping techniques that should never be used.
Technique #1: The Phantom Post
This technique is performed by strategically placing a comment into a Facebook post in hopes of gaining attention from a stranger. I have seen this used many times and would estimate the failure rate at approx. 95%. Resist the urge to comment on posts that do not pertain to you as it usually results in extreme humiliation and sometimes an ass beating. The following example demonstrates a failed attempt at the Phantom Post. (Click Pic to Enlarge)
As you can see, despite Walter’s best efforts he will now be shunned from society and likely be jacked into a wall at some point in the near future. Despite what your fellow creepers have led you to believe, the Phantom Post will not help you score before the Spring Fling dance. Your best bet is to fire up the laptop and continue your daily Google search for “17 year olds + dogs”.
Technique #2: The Confused Text
Cell phones are as much of a hindrance as they are a blessing. Unfortunately, creepers have developed multiple techniques that incorporate the common cellular device, the least obvious being the Confused Text. The “CT” is a simple maneuver in which the creeper texts the victim with what appears to be an accidental message. In reality the creeper has been planning to send this message likely long before you even woke up this morning. The following image demonstrates a typical Confused Text. (Click Pic to Enlarge)
Tsk-Tsk. What a shame. While it seems like the perfect plan, the Confused Text is almost always guaranteed to end in complete and utter rejection. The worst part is now she wants to know how you got her number. Better not let her find out that you stole it out of her phone while she was passed out in her own puke on the steps in front of your dorm last Wednesday. Be prepared to find your phone number plastered everywhere. Won’t be long before crack dealers and hookers are calling you at all hours of the night. You might as well throw away your phone and go purchase a Boost Mobile plan. Your a reject now.
Technique #3: The Twitter Monitor
Twitter is the devil. People use it to update their location every time they move half a foot. It’s not safe, it’s the opposite of safe, it’s retarded. Creepers have realized this and use it to their advantage. The Twitter Monitor is performed as follows: 1. The creeper creates a profile. 2. The creeper follows the tweets of the intended victim. 3. The creeper goes to places that the victim is at based on their tweets. The intent is to “accidentally” run into the intended victim thus allowing a “random” meeting. It’s the perfect plan! No one will ever know! Except you forgot that the person you are following is going to get the following notification in their email inbox: (Click Pic to Enlarge)
Well, your f*cked. Unless you can get to her computer in the next 5 minutes she’s going to tell her boyfriend and your going to die before you can even get back to your room. I would suggest making a run to Canada. Wait you need a passport now to get to Canada. You don’t have a passport? It was nice knowing you rapewhistle69. Maybe next time pick a more subtle name that doesn’t involve a federal crime.
I hope you all learned a thing or two.
